


A Choice to Be Made

by icy_falls (orphan_account)



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Decisions, F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-18
Updated: 2014-09-06
Packaged: 2018-02-09 10:28:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 9,119
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1979412
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/icy_falls
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This fic contains some spoilers if you only watched the anime, so please read at your own discretion.</p>
    </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This fic contains some spoilers if you only watched the anime, so please read at your own discretion.

As Graduation grew closer, so did your relationship with Bertholdt. Ever since your second year in training, you had been together with Bertholdt and the two of you were practically the cutest couple in the squad. Standing beside him, he dwarfed your small petite body with his tall, lean frame. Not to mention the fact that both of you have shy personalities, even though you could really talk a lot at times.

Although many people were happy about graduating, the choices that had to be made loomed over your head like a gun pointing directly at you, ready to fire at any given moment.

‘To join the Garrison or the Scouting Legion?’ You thought to yourself as you fumbled with your fingers while you leant against the kitchen counter, waiting for the water to boil.

‘It’ll be safer as part of the Garrison to protect the Walls, but who is to say that the Walls won’t get broken again? Besides, I joined the military to do my part for humanity. And the best way to do that is to join the Scouting Legion.

‘But… I’m scared.’ Tears rolled down your face as you recalled the day when Wall Maria was broken into.

___________________________________________________ 

“[Name] listen closely okay? We don’t have much time…” Your father hastily said, as he looked over his shoulder. 

“When I lure the titan away, I want you to run to the inner walls as fast as possible. You hear? As fast as possible.” Your father’s eyes glistened with unshed tears as the footsteps of a titan grew louder.

“D-Daddy…” You cried, as you held onto your father’s hand tightly.

He squat down and hugged you tightly, “You must survive, okay? Live a meaningful life and be happy. Always remember that I will be watching over you and that I love you.”

“No… Daddy… We can run together.” You tried to reason as you hugged him back with all the strength you had.

“It’s too late. It already saw us. And we won’t be able to outrun it together. This is the only way.” 

When you opened your mouth to argue, your father raised his voice, “This is the only way! Promise me you’ll run and won’t look back. Promise me you’ll survive and live meaningfully. Promise me!” He held onto your shoulders as he stared into your eyes.

“I- I promise.” You stammered as your father gave you a sad smile.

He placed something into your palm and closed your hands around it. “This is for you to remember us by. Be strong [Name], and don’t forget the promises you made. I love you, so much.”

Your father stood up, and giving you one last hug and a kiss on the forehead, he ran out of the alley you were hiding in and ran towards the titan. Your fingers clutched the object your father gave to you, as you peeked over the side of the wall, to see your father leading the titan into another street. Leading the titan away from you. Leading to his ultimate death.

You clenched your fists and wiped away your tears, which wouldn’t stop falling, as you ran towards Wall Rose as fast as your short legs could possibly bring you.  
Fortunately, a soldier found you and helped you get onto the boat into the inner Wall. 

As you sat in crowded boat, you watched your hometown go up in smoke and destruction at the wrath of the titans and looked down, unable to handle the fact that you would never see your hometown again. That you’ll never be able to step foot into your house again. That you’ll never see your father ever again. 

Your tears fell onto your hands and you opened up your clenched fist, only to see your father’s wedding ring. You sniffed loudly, before holding the ring close to your heart as you whispered, “I’ll be strong and survive. I love you, Daddy.”

______________________________________________ 

Since then, you lived miserably from day to day, working in the landfills. Until you heard about the plans to retake Wall Maria, and rumors about how it was just a culling to reduce the food shortage.  
When you saw the small number of people who returned, your heart dropped, and you silently mourned for the deaths of those innocent people.  
It was then, that you decided that you didn’t want people to die. 

You wanted to be able to fight, and to protect those in need. 

Hence, you joined the military, and found your purpose. 

To help save humanity.


	2. Chapter 2

The screeching sound of the kettle brought you back to the present, and you removed the kettle from the stove, making yourself a cup of hot tea.  
Moving to the empty mess hall and sitting down at an empty table, you took a sip of your tea and took out your father’s ring, which you wore as a necklace everyday without fail.  
Looking at the simple gold ring hanging by a thin silver chain, which you found as you roamed the streets of Wall Rose, you whispered, “What should I do…?”

Your train of thoughts was broken and you quickly tucked the ring back under your shirt when you heard footsteps approaching. Turning around, you saw Bertholdt walking towards you. His face was a filled with worry when he saw your tear-streaked face, and hastily sat down opposite you.

“[Name]. What’s wrong? Why were you crying?” Bertholdt asked, concern evident in his voice

“I’m fine. How did you know I was here?”

“I didn’t. I heard the kettle and wanted to see who was it… [Name], please. Tell me what’s wrong. It hurts me to see you like this.” Bertholdt reached out and squeezed your hands gently.

“I… I was just wondering which unit should I choose. The Garrison, or the Scouting Legion?” You mumbled.

“Join the Garrison.” He said without hesitation.

Your head snapped up at his confident reply. Bertholdt was never this decisive. “W-Why?” You spluttered out

“If you joined the Scouting Legion, your life would be at stake every time you leave the walls. But if you joined the Garrison, it’ll be safer, and maybe… maybe we could actually live a normal life together.” Bertholdt said in a low voice, as he stared into your eyes with those emerald eyes you loved so much.

“But hasn’t your dream always been to join the Military Police? Don’t give up your dream just to be with me Bertholdt…” Your bottom lip quivered as you brought up the topic that bugged you since you two got together.

Since the first week of training, Bertholdt wanted to join the Military Police to live safe within the walls, though none of you ever brought up the topic. Throughout the two, almost three years as trainees, he had performed extremely well and you had no doubt that he’ll make the top ten.  
Sometimes you liked to watch how he could gracefully maneuver himself from tree to tree, slicing through the dummy titans with ease, while you had to concentrate so badly to prevent yourself from knocking into the trees.

You continued, “We both know that I’m not good enough to join the Military Police, and I don’t want to hold you back anymore Bert. Maybe it’s best if we just went our separate ways…”

“Are you breaking up with me?” Disbelief was evident in his voice as you looked down at your hands, not daring to make any eye contact with him.

“[Name]…” You cringed at the pain in his voice “Initially I did want to join the MP. But after I met you, I made up my mind to follow you into whichever unit you went to. I love you too much to leave you.” 

Your heart ached at his words and you made your way round the table and sat on the bench beside him and hugged him tightly.

“Besides, I told you that I’ll protect you. Didn’t I?” Bertholdt murmured as he kissed the top of your head, as you buried your face into his chest.

“I want to live safely with you too, but I also want to fulfill my purpose in life. I’m so scared of titans, at the same time I want to help humanity. I want to fight for humanity.” You whispered as you gripped his shirt tightly, causing him to instinctively hold you closer to him.

“So, it looks like we’re joining the Scouting Legion, huh?” Bertholdt said lightly.

You whimpered slightly at that, and Betholdt asked you gently, “Don’t worry, [Name] we still have a few weeks left to decide. But… wh-why are you so adamant about saving humanity?”

You sighed deeply and pulled back from the hug, but still leaned on his shoulder as he had one arm around you. “I never actually told you about my past have I? It’s a long story though, I doubt you would wan-“

“So long as you are willing to tell me, I’m willing to listen.” He cut you off.

Silence ensued after that. You have never told anyone much about your past and always avoided the topic. 

Were you ready to open up to someone? No.  
But were you willing to open up to Bertholdt, the man you trusted with all your heart? Yes. Definitely yes.

“When we just entered the military and we were asked where we came from, I lied. I’m not from Jinae… I came from Shiganshina.” 

You paused when you heard Betholdt took a sharp intake of breath, and continued. “I was there when Wall Maria was breached. I remember that day clearly. My father took me to the market place to buy some candy when the Colossal Titan broke through the wall.  
Everything happened so quickly… one minute I was choosing what candy I wanted, and the next, this lightning bolt came out of no where and the ground shook violently. Then the Colossal Titan could be seen hovering over the wall. The next thing I knew, it kicked a hole in the wall and titans started pouring in.”

Your voice was wavering slightly, and Bertholdt sat stiffly beside you, his expression one of horror.

“My dad immediately dragged me away and we started running, and I really thought we could have made it, since we were so close to the inner wall… But a titan spotted us, a-and my father sacrificed himself to save me” A tear fell down your cheek as you leaned on the table, out of Bertholdt’s arms. You held your cup between your hands as you tried to regain your composure.

“W-was your mother there as well?” Bertholdt asked, his voice trembling 

“No, my mother died giving birth to me. My Dad… He was the best father I could have ever asked for. He lured the titan away so I had a chance to escape. And before he left, he made me promise him that I would be strong and live a meaningful life; that I would survive and live on.” You voice broke as you took out the ring and clenched your fists around it, with tears cascading down your face.

Beside you, Bertholdt was deadly silent as he looked down at his hands, eyes wide with despair.

“After that, I was sent to work in landfills and when I saw how the plan to retake Wall Maria failed, and how those people were sent to their deaths, I made up my mind to do my part to save humanity.” 

You sniffed a little, and turned to face Bertholdt, and showed him your father’s ring, “This was my dad’s wedding ring. He gave it to me before he… left. Now whenever I see it, I think of my promise to my dad. I think of my dad and all the memories we had together.”

Bertholdt looked up at you and his eyes held so many emotions that you were taken aback. Sadness, grief, longing and something else you couldn’t quite catch flashed in his eyes before he pulled you into a tight hug, and kept whispering, “I’m sorry… I’m so sorry, [Name]” 

You leaned into his embrace and silently mourned your father, when you felt a teardrop on your hair. Peeking up at him, you saw that Bertholdt’s eyes were glistening with unshed tears.

“Bertholdt?” You frowned as you pulled back slightly so you could see his face.

“I’m so sorry [Name]. I didn’t want any of that to happen to you. I’m sorry...” His voice faltered as he avoided your questioning stare.

“Don’t be sorry, Bertholdt. It wasn’t your fault my father died. I’m just glad you’re here with me now. My dad told me to be happy, and with you, I’m always happy.”

Bertholdt pulled you back into a hug and muttered, “I won’t let anyone hurt you anymore. I’m sorry [Name]”

Inhaling the calming scent of your boyfriend, you returned his embrace and let his presence calm you. Whenever you were in his arms, you always felt safe and protected. Often the two of you would just share a long hug, or cuddle, for both of you were merely lost souls, seeking comfort in each other, and found love in the process.

But that night, after sending you back to your room, Bertholdt made his way to the oak tree the both of you frequented and sat there staring at the night sky.  
Remorse. Remorse and regret was all Bertholdt felt as he pounded his fists into the grass with tears cascading down his face.

“I’m sorry, [Name]. I didn’t want for any of that to happen.  
I had no choice… I caused you to lose everything you had.  
Your town, your house, and… your father.

Please forgive me when the time comes for me to tell you the truth…  
I can’t lose you.  
You’re the only one I have left in the world worth living for.”


	3. Chapter 3

"Your balance is off. You're putting more weight on your left side." Bertholdt called out to you as you landed on a tree branch.

Turning to look at Bertholdt, who was sitting casually on a large tree branch, you sighed deeply. "The graded assessment is in a week. At this rate, Shadis will probably fail me…"

Hearing the whizzing sound of the 3dmg, you looked up to see Bertholdt land beside you. "Hey.. Lighten up, you definitely won't fail. I bet you'll at least make it into the top 20" Bertholdt said with a gentle smile. 

Giving him a side hug, you smiled back at him in response before the both of you sat down on the branch. Swaying your feet, you looked down from your spot high up on the tree to the ground. 

"You know what?" You said, breaking the peaceful silence as you turned to him. "I think you could be the top trainee if you were more outspoken"

Letting out a big sigh, he muttered to himself, "Thats what they said back home too…"

"What was that?" You asked

"N-nothing. But the fact is I'm not that person. I can't take charge of things like how people want me to be. This… is just who I am…" Bertholdt said as he fiddled with his fingers

"Bert.. I'm sorry if I made you upset. I'm just saying that with your skills, you could easily rank number one if you really wanted to. Besides, I love my sweet boyfriend and I wouldn't change anything about you."

His face brightened up at your words and he kissed the tip of your nose, "Your boyfriend loves you too" 

A few minutes passed before Betholdt got up, and offered you a hand as he pulled you to your feet. "Come on, let's get back to training. Remember. You need to pay attention to where you focus your weight because it can affect your gas consumption and your turnings."

With Bertholdt's help, your 3dmg skills improved tremendously, and within a few days, you felt ready for the assessment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gosh, I know this was quite bad, but I needed a filler and this was all I could come up with. >


	4. Chapter 4

"Keep moving Shitheads!" Keith Shadis shouted as the 104th trainee squad ran through the forest, trees towering over them.

You were keeping a steady pace in the centre, panting as you carried the heavy bag of equipment. Beside you, Bertholdt looked at you in concern and asked for like the millionth time since the squad set off, "[Name], you sure you don't want me to carry your pack for you?" 

"No, I can do this!" You replied. Gritting your teeth, you picked up your pace and overtook a couple of cadets. Bertholdt caught up easily and glancing over at him, you saw that he wasn't even sweating more than usual. He looked like he was merely taking a leisure jog in the park, even though you and the trainees around you were starting to get tired out. You could faintly hear the sound of Shadis shouting at some cadets at the back and tried to tune it out, concentrating on your breathing instead.

With Bertholdt's long legs, running has never been a problem, and his stamina is amongst the best in the platoon. And you knew the only reason he was running in the centre and not in the front was because of you. 

"Bert, don't wait for me. This training is being graded, and I'm only slowing you down." You huffed out

"But-"

"Remember the promise we made.." 

Sighing deeply in defeat, Bertholdt clenched his jaw and nodded. "Okay… I'll wait for you at the end"

Giving him a small smile, you nudged him forward slightly, mouthing 'go' to him. Taking one last glance at you, he picked up his pace and easily overtook the cadets in front. Soon, he was out of your line of vision. 

'You can do it Bert. We made a promise to do our best. And my best, is exactly what I'm going to do.'   
With determination in your eyes, you gripped the straps of your equipment pack tightly and pressed on.

 

~~

Slicing through the dummy titan, you cursed internally, because you didn't manage to cut deep enough. You noticed someone swooping towards you on their 3dmg gear and you smiled briefly when you saw that it was Bertholdt. 

"We need to get ahead to find more titans" He told you as he led the way, maneuvering the trees gracefully. All the extra training Bertholdt gave you really did pay off, considering how you were able to keep up with him better, though you were still lagging behind slightly. 

Spotting a dummy titan, you and Bertholdt flew down. Bertholdt executed a perfect cut, and you… a not so perfect one.

"Use your momentum when you slice through the neck. Don't hesitate or slow down before you make contact." Betholdt called out to you, hearing your groan of frustration.

Taking his advice, you leaped down onto another dummy titan, successfully slicing into the nape deep enough to kill a real titan. 

Turning to Bertholdt, you beamed brightly and he smiled back in approval before the two of you continued to eliminate the dummy titans in your path. 

 

Landing onto the ground beside Bertholdt, the grapple of your 3dmg whizzed back into the gear. 

"You did really well, [Name]" his voice filled with pride.

"I couldn't have done it without you Bert." You said as you reached over to give him a hug, only to have both your gears hitting each other from the awkward angle.   
Bertholdt chuckled and a slight blush spread across your face as the two of you walked casually to the assembly point, since there were still trainees in the forest.

There, you saw your group of friends and made your way towards them, plopping yourself down next to Reiner, with Bertholdt beside you. 

"What took you guys so long? Were you guys making out somewhere?" Jean teased, causing everyone in the messy circle to laugh.

You and Bertholdt were blushing madly, and you tried stuttering out an excuse which only caused them to laugh harder. 

Sighing in embarrassment, you looked at your group of friends. Even though you were much closer to Bertholdt and Reiner, you still got along well with the rest of them.

Connie and Sasha were practically rolling on the ground, laughing, as Jean and Ymir continued teasing you and Bert.   
Marco, Armin and Christa were trying to get them to stop teasing you, although they were giggling as well.   
Even Eren was pulled out of his Titan-obsessed world and laughed, while Mikasa smiled in amusement.   
Though you couldn't believe it, you saw that Annie, who was sitting along the sidelines, had her lips quirked up slightly in a smile. 

Reniner, on the other hand, covered your ears, and claimed that you didn't need to hear all the dirty comments Jean and Ymir were making, and you were overjoyed that for once, it wasn't Reiner who was teasing you. 

Until you heard him say, "Bertholdt, make sure you learn whatever you can from those two."

Pressing your face into the palms of your hand, you tried to hide the blush from your face, as everyone broke into laughter once again.

 

Sadly for you, these bunch were the closest friends you had made since you first enlisted and although they were teasing you and Bertholdt till no end, each and every one of them were important to you.   
Despite all your different personalities, they had become your comrades, your friends, and most importantly, your family.


	5. Chapter 5

“Hands upon your hearts!” 

Saluting in unity, the members of the 104th Trainee Squad placed their fists over their heart, shouting out in unison, “Yes Sir!”

“For you trainees graduating today, three paths now open before you.  
You can be stationed at the Walls and defend the cities as members of the Garrison!  
You can put your lives on the line to fight the Titans in their own territory as members of the Scouting Legion!  
Or you can serve the King by controlling the crowds and protecting order as members of the Military Police Brigade!  
Of course, only the ten people with the top scores we announced earlier are allowed into the Military Police!”

Glancing at the Bertholdt, who was standing in the front row, along with the other top cadets, you felt your heart swell with pride. Standing between Reiner and Annie, he ranked 3rd in the whole Trainee Squad. In fact, most of your friends were amongst the top ten. You were standing a few rows back, with Armin and Ymir, listening intently to the instructor’s words.

“Always remember all the trainings you’ve had and strive to do your best. No matter which path you choose, you’re all vital to the survival of humanity!”

After a few more inspiring speeches from the other instructors, they announced that the rest of the trainee rankings would be pasted on the notice boards before dismissing the cadets.

All around you were cadets cheering, with hugs all around. You hugged Armin and Ymir tightly, happy to have finally graduated. Your eyes scanned the crowd, searching for a particular tall brunette, but the whole place was filled with bodies, most of them taller than you, making it hard to see over them. 

As you searched for your boyfriend, you came across many of your friends and hugged them too. Spotting a blond girl trying to get out of the crowd, you made your way towards her, calling out her name.

“Annie!” 

Turning around, she looked at you with her cold blue eyes, as you approached her.

“Congratulation on ranking 4th! Are … you planning enlist for the Military Police?”

“Yeah” She replied.

“So that means I won’t see you anymore after tomorrow…? I’ll miss you, Annie…” Although she had always been impassive and cold to everyone, she had warmed up to you, and sometimes even initiated conversations with you. After all, sharing a bunk with someone would definitely form a bond between the two of you. She was one of your good friends and would often look out for you, sending glares to anyone who dared to take advantage of your kindness. 

“…I’ll miss you too, [Name]. Perhaps we will meet again one day. But even if we don’t, we will always be friends.” Her blue eyes softened slightly as a soft smile crossed her face.

Shocked to get a smile from her, you hugged her tightly, with a few tears in your eyes. Patting you on the back awkwardly, she stood there stiffly, obviously not used to such intimate contact. 

Despite the fact that she didn’t hug you back, you knew that Annie genuinely cared for you, and thought of you as her good friend, since she didn’t push you away. 

After telling her that you would meet her inside, you continued your search for Bertholdt. 

This time, you managed to spot his tall figure, not too far away from you.

As if he could feel your eyes on him, he turned around, and smiled brightly when his eyes locked onto yours. Immediately, he pushed through the crowd, trying to get to you. Maneuvering your way to him through the mob of people, you jumped into his arms, wrapping your arms around his neck as you held on to him, with your legs dangling off the ground. Bertholdt didn’t even stumble as he caught you and held you to his chest, chuckling lightly. 

“Bert! You did it! I’m so proud of you.” You told him as he lowered you to the ground. 

Looking, up, you saw that there was a light blush covering his cheeks. You stood on your toes, giving him a chaste kiss on the lips. You were about to pull back when he snaked his arms around your waist, deepening the kiss. 

Recently, Bertholdt had been acting weird. He had been getting fidgety, and started sweating more than usual. He also never let you out of his sight, as if you would disappear anytime. Of course, you didn’t mind, since he showered you with kisses and told you he loves you every single day. 

But truth be told, you were getting slightly worried with his behavior. It was almost as if he was afraid that he would lose you, but you waved it off as him being scared of what the future may hold after graduation.

“Save that for the bedroom, would ya?” 

Breaking away from the kiss, you hid your head in the crook of Bertholdt’s neck as you saw Reiner smirking at both of you.

“No congratulatory kiss for me?” Reiner laughed.

Stepping out of Bertholdt’s arms, you punched Reiner hard on the chest, while Reiner merely laughed it off, putting an arm over your shoulder. 

“I’m happy for you too, you big idiot.” You said as you hugged his side. He was like your older brother, and you couldn’t help but be proud of him too.

 

In the cafeteria, cadets were celebrating, enjoying the party that the instructors so graciously allowed them to hold. Everyone was drinking and enjoying themselves, forging final memories with friends whom they’ve been through so much together with, before starting the next phase of their lives. 

You were also enjoying yourself, talking and joking around with your friends. Earlier, you checked the notice board and was overjoyed when you saw that you had ranked 32 in the whole squad. 

“I knew you could make it into the top 50. Congrats, [Name]” You remembered Bertholdt telling you, before he led you into the building where the graduation party was being held.

Glancing to the buffet table, you frowned upon seeing that Bertholdt wasn’t there. He did say he was going to get some drinks. 

‘Maybe he’s talking to some friends’ you told yourself as you continued to talk to Krista and Ymir. 

Connie and Sasha were also sitting at the same table, but they were passed out on the table, probably from stuffing themselves with too much food. You giggled as you thought back on how they swallowed plate after plates of food. Annie was sitting quietly by your side, drinking from her mug. Jean was… well, he was sulking at another table, disappointed that he ranked below Eren, with Marco sitting with him, trying to cheer him up. 

 

“But you can’t possibly win!” A voice cried out. 

Turning around to see what the commotion was about, you saw that Thomas was telling Eren how he couldn’t possibly defeat all the Titans. And, listening to Eren talk about his dream to eliminate the Titans really inspired you. Although many people thought Eren was crazy, with his Titan obsession and whatnot, you actually admired his determination, and his speech spurred you on to join the Scouting Legion. 

It was getting late and many people had left, since there was still Wall Duty the next day. A long time had passed and Bertholdt still had not returned. It wasn’t like him to leave you waiting for so long without saying anything. So you stood up to go look for him. You looked all over the cafeteria, but didn’t see him anywhere. Then you decided to look outside.

You were at the back of the building when you heard voices.

 

“You know we have to do this!” Peeping from the side of the wall, you saw that Reiner and Bertholdt were in a heated argument. 

You were just about to step in and break up the fight but stopped in your track when you heard Bertholdt raise his voice angrily. “I know! Dammit I know that!”

Never had you heard Bertholdt so angry before. He sounded almost… foreign to you. You saw him slam his fist into the wall in frustration, as he said to Reiner, who was standing behind him; this time, in a resigned tone, “You’ll keep her safe right? Don’t let her out of your sight until its done.”

Placing a hand on Bertholdt’s shoulder, Reiner assured him, “She’s like my little sister. You know I will keep her safe for you…. But you’re going to have to tell her soon. Before she figures it out by herself.”

“I will… Soon…” That was the last thing you heard before you decided to head back into the cafeteria and wait there instead. 

 

 

‘What is he hiding from me?’ Your heart ached as you recalled how frustrated he looked, the pain in his voice and that torn look in his eyes. 

One by one, your friends left to hit the sack after bidding you goodnight. Krista and Ymir were the only ones left at the table with you.

“You sure you don’t want to come with us? Or we could also wait with you if you want” Krista offered kindly, and even Ymir looked slightly concerned.

Smiling in gratitude, you rejected their offer, telling them to go ahead and that you would wait for Bertholdt. 

Hesitantly, they left, leaving you alone at the table, with only a handful of other people scattered around the room. 

 

You were just about to doze off, with your head propped on your hand, leaning on the table when you heard your name being called. 

Turning around, you saw Bertholdt walking towards you and you stood up as well. 

“Sorry I took so long. I was just er… talking… to Reiner and lost track of time…” Bertholdt stuttered.

“Bertholdt…” You frowned, “Are you hiding something from me?”

“W-What? I-I…” 

Taking a deep breath, he collected himself and said softly, “I am… ” 

When he saw your expression turn into one of hurt, he looked away from you and continued, “I can’t tell you now… But after duty tomorrow I’ll tell you everything. I promise.“

“Okay.” You sighed out. You were upset he was keeping something from you, but you trusted that he had his own reasons for doing so.

“Let’s head to bed… Today has been a long day.” You smiled slightly as you reached out for his hand. 

Sheepishly, he took hold of your hand and the two of you started heading back to the dormitories. 

 

“[Name]… If I did something terribly wrong, would you forgive me?” Bertholdt asked as you walked alongside him.

“Well it would depend on what you did.” You replied cheerily. When you were greeted by silence, you looked up and saw the solemn expression on his face, you asked in a more serious tone, “Bertholdt, what’s wrong? You’ve been acting strangely these few days… “

Avoiding your intense stare, he kept his eyes on the ground as he slowed his pace. “I- I just don’t know how you would react to what I’m going to tell you tomorrow… And I’m scared you would l-leave me…”

The two of you were standing outside the building of the girls’ dormitories by then, and you tugged at his hands, making him turn to face you. 

“Bertholdt” You said as you lifted his chin, causing his emerald eyes to meet yours. “I love you, and nothing you say will change that. Please, have a little more faith in us.” Reaching up, you pressed a soft kiss on his jawline, since you couldn’t reach his cheek because he was standing straight to his full height. 

Bertholdt let out a jagged breath as he hugged you tightly to his chest. “I love you so much… I- I just-”

“I know Bert. I love you too…” You cut him off, before he had a panic attack. 

Taking a few deep breaths, he calmed himself down, and you let him hold you, knowing that your presence was soothing to him. 

Letting go of you, he placed a lingering kiss on your forehead before bidding you goodnight.

Looking at your retreating figure as you walked into the dorms, he whispered, “Please be safe tomorrow, [Name]”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this at 3 in the morning, so definitely not very well written…  
> But hopefully its not too bad! 
> 
> Anyways I still hope you enjoy this part! Thanks for reading up till this point too!


	6. Chapter 6

“Reiner, stop following me around…” You whined as the brawny man trailed closely behind you while you moved to fill the gas tanks.

“A man’s got to do what a man’s got to do in order to spend some time with his best friend.” Reiner said light-heartedly, patting your head with a wide grin on his face.

Scowling, you swatted his large hand away and asked, “Where’s Bertholdt? Our shift already started and he’s still not here.” 

“He’s err… sending a message to the Wall for the higher ups. He’ll be back later.” Reiner spluttered out as, scratching the back of his neck.

Eyeing him suspiciously, you slowly nodded your head and directed your attention back to the equipment in your hands. You knew he was lying. But you didn’t say anything, since you knew he was just covering up for Bertholdt. 

When you were done filling the tanks, you walked to the storage room to put them together with the rest of the back up gas tanks. Letting out a silent sigh of boredom, you picked up two empty tanks and repeated the process. 

Of all duties, you were stuck with Inventory Duty, which required you to check for any damages in the harnesses, stock up on extra gas tanks, and ensure the extra 3DMGs are working properly. Sure, it was one of the easy jobs, but you really wanted to get Wall Duty because you wanted to touch one of those cannons on the Wall. 

 

Since the start of the day, Reiner had been following you around, while Bertholdt was nowhere to be seen. Although he acted normally, joking around and teasing you, you could tell that something was off about Reiner. 

It was almost as if he was…anticipating something. 

All of a sudden, as you were making your way across the storage room, you heard an angry clap of thunder and felt a slight tremor in the ground.

“What was that…?” You voiced out and looked over to Reiner. Before he could say anything, a loud boom resonated through the air and the ground shook, this time more intensely, almost causing you to fall over if not for Reiner holding on to you.

’It can’t be…’

Your gas tanks fell onto the floor with a clang as you ran out of the building to see what was going on. You ignored Reiner who called out your name and when you made it out of the building, your eyes widened as you took in the scene before you.

 

There was a lot of smoke coming from the Wall, where the gates were, and behind all that smoke stood the Colossal Titan, casting a shadow over the wall. Memories of the day when Wall Maria was breached flooded your mind and you unconsciously lifted your hand and grabbed your necklace tightly. 

The sound of Reiner’s voice calling out your name snapped you back into the present. “[Name]! Snap out of it! Let’s head back into the HQ to await further instructions.”

“…No… We have to go and help them! Our friends could get killed! Eren, Sasha, Connie, Mina, Thomas, Samuel… They’re all on Wall duty!” You snapped at Reiner, who was trying to drag you back to HQ. 

Your eyes widened when you recalled what Reiner had told you earlier. “Bertholdt’s at the Wall too! Reiner, we have to go help!”

“Bertholdt can fend for himself. Now, its better for us to fall back and wait for instructions rather than running off and getting yourself killed.” Reiner told you sternly, his grip tightening around your wrist as you struggled to get away.

You heard the gasps of soldiers around you and you looked towards the Wall, only to see the Colossal Titan lifting one gigantic skinless hand.

“Reiner, let go of me! We can’t let them fight alone!!” You shouted, thrashing uselessly against his hold.

“No…” You whispered to yourself as the Colossal Titan brought its hand down, wiping out the cannons on top of the Wall. 

Using his grip on your hand, you took a big side step, causing Reiner’s arm to bend backwards behind his back. Hissing out in pain, he released your arm before he dislocated his shoulder, arching backwards slightly. Taking another step to the side, you quickly assumed a low stance, swinging your leg in an arc, resulting in Reiner falling backwards, letting out an “oomph.”

Before Reiner could get back on his feet, you were already off, using your 3DMG to maneuver your way towards the Wall.

’I can’t lose my family again. Especially not Bertholdt…’

“Shit,” was all Reiner said as he stood up, trying to gain his bearings before going after you. He knew you would put up a fight, but he certainly did not expect you to attack him. 

 

~~*~~

 

Your 3DMG made soft whizzing sounds as you made your way towards the Wall, swooping from roof to roof.

There was chaos all about on the streets below. Debris from the Wall crushed some of the houses and you could see people starting to panic and run towards the inner Walls. You could only pray they evacuated quick enough. 

You were almost at the Wall, when the Colossal Titan started to emit a large amount of smoke, before disappearing into thin air.

’Just like five years ago…’ You thought grimly as you continued moving forward.

 

“Cadet!” You hear someone call out. Turning to your left, you saw a Garrison soldier calling out to you, so you stopped running and faced him. 

The soldier landed on the roof you were on and said to you in an urgent tone, “The operation for the appearance of the Colossal Titan has already begun. Head back to HQ immediately.”

”This is an order.” He growled out before you could protest.

As soon as he relayed the instructions, he set off towards the Wall. Hesitantly, you turned around and were about to use your maneuver gear when you saw a shadow in a dark alley below. 

’Why isn’t that person evacuating?’ you wondered as you jumped down from the roof, landing with a soft thud on the street. Making your way towards the alley, you peered into it from the side of a building and saw a dark figure adjusting what looked like a…3DMG. The overhead buildings casted shadows over the alley, making the pathway look dark and daunting. You squinted your eyes slightly, trying to make out who that person was, but you just couldn’t identify the person in the dark.

Stepping into the alley, you were about to call out to that person, when he immediately started running when he heard your footsteps. 

Frowning in confusion, you gave chase. Because why would he run away if he had nothing to hide? The alley was long and had many turns, and you could barely catch up with the person and only caught a full glimpse of his tall figure in a corner which wasn’t overcast with darkness, before he made another turn. 

 

Wait. Tall figure? You only knew one person who stood at that towering height.

Bertholdt.

But why was he running? Picking up your pace, you pushed yourself forward and made a sharp turn at the corner. 

 

All of a sudden, you felt yourself being slammed into a wall, an extremely warm hand clasped around your throat, holding you up against the side of a building, your feet barely touching the ground. 

“Why were you following me,” You vaguely registered a voice asking you as you took a sharp intake of breath when your head collided against the cold hard stone, clawing at the hand that was limiting your air supply.

“B-Bertholdt… I-It’s me.” 

His eyes, previously glazed over with an icy cold look, widened as he realized just who he was choking and immediately released you. You collapsed onto the ground, your hands going to your throat, gasping for much needed air. 

“[Name]! Oh fuck, I’m so sorry. I swear I didn’t know it was you! A-are you alright?” Bertholdt asked in concern as he knelt down in front of you, hands outstretched as if he wanted to touch you, but didn’t dare to.

“I-I’m fine…” You assured him once you regained your composure, and saw him visibly relax a little. 

Looking up at Bertholdt, you furrowed your brows as you noticed weird red markings on his face, surrounding his eyes and on his cheeks. You raised your hand, intending to touch his face, but he flinched away from your fingers. Even though you didn’t come into contact with his face, you could feel the heat radiating off him, as if he had an extremely high fever.

“Your face…” You trailed off, “What happened?”

Bertholdt stiffened and turned away from you. With guilt evident in his eyes, he leaned away from you, standing up to retreat further into the shadows. 

 

“[Name]… Please hear me out and try to understand what I’m about to tell you.” He said, his voice barely above a whisper. 

You stood up, leaning onto the wall for support slightly, but remained silent, nodding at him to continue.

He took a deep breath and admitted in a soft, shaky voice, “I’m the Colossal Titan.” 

 

Despite standing in the shadowed part of the narrow alley, you could still see the intensity of his emerald green eyes, staring right into yours, silently begging you to understand. 

You looked at him incredulously and he carried on, “I know you find it hard to believe… but there are Titan shifters out there…”

“Most of us reside outside the Walls, and we were sent into the Walls for a mission. Without completing the mission we can’t return to our homeland…”

“…We?” You asked in confusion.

Nodding his head cautiously, he spoke. “Yes… Reiner and Annie are shifters too.”

Your face twisted in bafflement, trying to process all the information he just told you. You could barely believe that shifting into a Titan was possible. But Bertholdt? The Colossal Titan? And now Reiner and Annie? 

 

Shaking your head, you looked into his eyes, hoping to find a lie within them, hoping that he was just trying to tell you a sick joke. But within those deep emerald orbs, you saw nothing but the truth.

Desperation was evident in your voice as you glanced at him, “It’s impossible, right Bertholdt? Please tell me you’re just joking. You can’t possibly be a Titan!” 

 

He was silent for a moment, before saying in a resigned tone, “I’ll prove it to you. I won’t shift here because I would probably crush you, but I’ll show you something… Please, [Name]. Don’t panic.”

 

Before you could stop him, he took out his sword and sliced deep into his own palm. Bertholdt hissed in pain as blood started to pour out of the wound, but gritted his teeth and stayed otherwise silent. 

You immediately rushed to his side, and took his hand in yours. Right across his palm was a large; deep cut that was bleeding profusely. You took out your handkerchief from your pocket and with trembling hands, you slowly dabbed away the blood gingerly, trying not to hurt him further. 

Then, vapor started emitting from his wound, almost like that of Titan smoke, and before your very eyes, the wound started to close. You gawked as his skin weaved back together, leaving no hint of the gash that was present only seconds prior.

You gaped at him in disbelief, to which he offered a short, quiet answer. “My body can regenerate…”

 

You couldn’t to comprehend the fact that Bertholdt; your sweet and loving boyfriend was a Titan shifter. The very Titan who destroyed Wall Maria, causing thousands of people to be killed. 

With eyes wide with hurt, betrayal and a tinge of fear, you backed away from him. Bertholdt lifted his hand, as if he wanted to reach out to you, but stopped himself and let his eyes strayed to the ground.

 

”I’m sorry, [Name]…”


	7. Shattered Souls

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the first ending to A Choice To Be Made~

“This… was what you were going to tell me? This is what you’ve been hiding from me?” You asked quietly.

As he squeezed his eyes shut, and turned his head away from you, an overwhelming sense of anger wash over you.

“These past three years… you’ve been deceiving every single one of us… Was everything you said a lie? How could you do this to us… to me?!” 

Tears welled up in your eyes as you whispered, “I trusted you, Bertholdt… I loved you.” 

“You were everything to me, and now, you’re telling me that you’re the one who took my home and my family away from me?”

Bertholdt clenched his jaw as your voice raised with every word you said.

“How could you just sit there, and hold me while I confided in you? Do you feel no guilt at all? Is this all just some sick joke to you; watching people’s life get destroyed?!”

“…Was everything you said to me a lie as well? All that crap about starting a family, living a normal life together… it was all a fucking lie?”

His head snapped up, as he looked at you with pain evident within his eyes. Before he could say anything, you cut him off. “So all these time, I was just a tool for you? A way for you to blend in and look normal?!”

Tears were flowing freely down your face as you roughly wiped them away with your sleeve, waiting for him to say something. Anything.

 

“I… I’m a warrior… I have a duty to carry out and I didn’t have a choice. Heck, I still don’t have a choice and I never will. You have no idea how guilty I feel every single day, [Name]. The fact that my hands are stained with so much innocent blood… But somebody has to do this. Somebody has to be the bad guy…

It was never my intention to get close to anyone… But my time here was honestly the happiest I’ve ever been in my life. And you… you crept into my heart even though I swore not to let anyone get close to me. Please… believe me… It was never my intention to hurt you. Please, [Name], don’t leave me…”

 

You didn’t know what to do. You didn’t know what was the truth and what was a lie. This man before you… he was no longer your beloved. He was a stranger. 

“I can’t do this… not with everything you’ve done. You knew the consequence of what you’ve done today, and you still went ahead to do it. We always a choice, Bertholdt. It’s just a matter of doing what we think is the right thing.”

“I should kill you right now… I really should.” Your hands shivered as you gripped your sword tightly. 

“But… I can’t bring myself to do it.” You said softly as your arms fell limply to your side. 

“Stop this madness, Bertholdt. If you even have an ounce of good left in you, you would stop all of this. Help us eradicate the Titans, help us free humanity…” You pleaded with him.

 

He was conflicted. That much was evident from his stiff shoulders and the war raging within his eyes. 

Clenching his jaw, he looked at you with regretful eyes and said, "I'm sorry. I can't... You have to understand, [Name]..."

Studying his face for what may be the last time, you turned and walked away from him.

 

You only took a few steps when you felt a pair of warm arms around your waist, pulling your back into a chest.

"Don’t leave me…” He voice cracked as his arms tightened around you as if you were his lifeline. 

"I love you so much and I can't live without you. Please, I meant it when I said I want to be with you forever. We can go back to my homeland together! I swear I will protect you outside the Walls."

 

His embrace, once so familiar, which once made you feel so safe and loved, now felt cold and unfamiliar.

Your voice was barely audible when you said, "the only person I need protection from... is you."

You almost broke down as those harsh words slipped out of your mouth. Even though he was the enemy, even though he killed so many people, you still loved him. 

He let out a whimper as he loosened his hold on you. Gently, you pried his arms off of you.

This time, he didn't stop you when you walked away. All the memories you shared with him flashed through your mind. From the first time you met him, to the last kiss you shared. Every single moment felt genuine, but it would never change the cruel fact that he was the Colossal Titan. 

'Don't look back, don't look back...' You chanted to yourself with every step you took.

You felt yourself falter in your steps and you cursed yourself when you turned around to look back at him. Bertholdt stood where you left him, his face twisted in pain and agony. A glimmer of hope and longing flashed across them when you turned back to him. 

 

Your heart ached at his broken expression.

 

"Goodbye Bertholdt," you said before running away, leaving him all alone in the darkness, with a broken heart and shattered soul.

 

~~End~~


	8. Love Will Prevail

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alternate Ending~

“Hear me out!” Bertholdt sputtered when he saw your horrified expression. 

“I didn’t have a choice in this. I had to do it. I-“

“You had to?!” Anger bubbled within you as you cut him off. “All those innocent people… they’re all dead because of you. And now even more people are going to die, because you had to break open the Walls?” 

Your voice quivered as you said, “Everyone of those people had a family. They had a future. But because you breached the Wall and let the Titans in, you took everything away from them. You ruined their lives…”

 

Bertholdt flinched at the rawness of your voice. Clenching his fists till his knuckles turned white, he said quietly, “I did what had to be done…

You have no idea how terrible I feel… The guilt of murdering so many innocent people… All that hatred directed at me…

But I had no choice… There is no future within the Walls. Somebody had to do it…”

 

“But you lied to all of us… All these time, was everything you said a lie? How could you live with yourself, when you were lying to everyone around you?!” You cried out. 

Shaking his head, he reasoned, “No! Not everything was a lie… The time I spent with the members of the 104th Trainee Squad, especially with you, was the happiest I’ve ever been.”

 

“Bertholdt… I don’t know what’s the truth and what’s a lie anymore… Right now, please. Just tell me the truth…” You begged, with a voice barely above a whisper, “Did you truly love me?” 

 

His eyes widened and he took a step closer to you. “I am being completely honest when I say this, [Name]. I love you. I love you with all my heart. You’re everything to me. You’re the one who makes me feel human again. You are the sun and the moon of my life. Without you, I will not have known what is true love and happiness…”

You let out a half sob, before throwing yourself at him, burying your face into his chest. Bertholdt circled his arms around you, pressing his face into your [h/c] hair.

“Bert… I hate the way you lied to me, and for all the things you’ve done. But mostly… I hate the way I don’t hate you, not even close, not even a little bit… not even at all.”

His arms tightened around you as he mumbled heartfelt apologies, but you weren’t listening. 

All you could think about is whether what you’ve done was the right thing. Your brain screamed for you to get away from him, that he was the ultimate enemy. But your heart told you that you would always be safe with him.

 

“They’ll kill me as well when they find out, won’t they?” You asked meekly.

Bertholdt stiffened at your words and pulled a way a little, just enough so that you could look into his eyes. 

 

You were slightly taken aback by the intensity and determination in his eyes, but the day had already been full of shockers anyways.

“I will make sure you stay out of this. I swear I’ll do everything in my power to keep you away from harm. Will you come with me when I leave this place? We could live together, and explore the outside world.”

 

Could you really put down everything you’ve worked so hard for, and run away with Bertholdt? It was in that moment that you made your choice.

 

“I’ll go with you, Bertholdt.”

 

Because in that moment, you realized that he meant the world to you too. You may not be doing the right thing, but you can only believe you won’t regret the choice you’ve made.

 

~~End~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys so much for reading this series and I hope you enjoyed it~~

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and feedback are always welcomed!
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Attack on Titan or any of the characters.


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